The Perfect Breakup?

When you break up with someone…

• Know why. You don’t have to tell your soon-to-be-ex everything, but you should at least understand for yourself.
• Be honest. Be clear about the main reasons things aren’t working for you.
• Don’t drag it out. You’ll both be happier if you make a clean break sooner rather than later.
• Be gentle but firm. There’s no reason to be hurtful, no matter how bad things are going.

When someone breaks up with you…

• Dignity first. Don’t threaten, attack, list their shortcomings back at them etc
• Get to a safe place. Getting dumped is hard work – you’re going to need a little while to process it.
• It really isn’t you, it’s them. Don’t be too hard on yourself – they dumped you for reasons that have to do with who they are, not who you are.
• But don’t let yourself off the hook, either. The person that just dumped you had their own reasons, but that doesn’t mean you’re perfect.

After the break-up…

• No take-backs. Seriously. No booty calls, no pre-existing commitments, no getting together just to talk.
• Let hate happen. Being angry at an ex is natural.
• You don’t have to be friends.
• Don’t get even. If you were hurt badly, your instinct might be to hurt them back. Not a good idea.
• Don’t stalk. Stop worrying about their life and start living your own!
• If you’re being stalked, don’t respond. Stalking is a simple positive reinforcement mechanism: the stalker does something, and are rewarded when you respond.